Tout pour les filles

Anonymous asked: Is nursing your passion?

I can’t give you a yes or no answer because I haven’t done it yet. I find the material interesting but that doesn’t mean I’ll feel the same way when I actually put it into practice. I’ve heard of “book nurses” who did really well in school but got grossed out when they started working. I’m not constantly thinking about it like it’s a hobby, but it’s the most serious thing I take in my life. Every now and then, (I admit) I’d question if I really liked this stuff. Taking all these biology classes drowned me into the whole scientific part, and had my brain on overload. And that’s all part of the journey. I remember reading my textbook and stumbling upon something about blood flow, “…the more resistance, the slower the process.” It reminded me that all these hours spent studying at my desk will amount to something. Spring quarter started about 2 weeks ago. I have a general health instructor who I fell in luv with. He put everything from all the nerdy biology facts, nutrition, and exercise into one thing. It was refreshing to zoom out of the textbook. A person can get so overwhelmed in the details that they forget to keep the end in mind. Taking on nursing fuels everything I’m about, going to the gym, being more conscious about what I eat, improving health etc. I don’t know if I can call this passion, but it’s something that touches other aspects of my life besides a job. And I think thats what’s most important.  

sailing-forthesun asked: Catching up with your posts. Hope all is well.<3

Oh hey I remember you! It’s been busy, but I like it this way.

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"I’m going thru a crisis. Do you ever regret moving to Portland and starting over? Or is it what you needed?" 

No, I do not regret moving to Portland. But this isn’t about me, it’s about you. A crisis is usually a good thing. It’s a point in the road where you can go left or right, but the choice you make has the potential to be monumental. In other words, it’s a big opportunity. Everyone will have a chance to go on a personal journey. Just like in the movies the heros have to overcome something that will change the course of their lives forever. I definitely would not be the same person if I stayed in Seattle. The thing is, big opportunities are scarce. I’m not saying you can’t do anything great when you’re older, but let’s say you have a huge chance again later down the road. You have a lot more energy at 24 than at 27. By the time you’re 30 you want to have a rock solid foundation for the path you chose. In your 20’s is where you have to hustle and grind it all out to get there. You and I both have opportunities we didn’t follow all the way through with. Remember when I quit my job, and was so close to joining the military? And six months later I moved to Portland. I didn’t see it coming, I didn’t even really plan on it, it all happened so quick. I didn’t even know if I was going to stay or not. I was taking an english and a math class when I decided to go for nursing. I had no idea what I was getting into, and I’m pretty sure I failed all my biology classes in high school. A year and a half later, I’m still going for it and I’m still in Portland. If you’re stuck thinking about whether to pursue something practical or your passion all I have to say is that you never really know what you’re going to get into. It will probably be a surprise. Some people know at a young age what they want to be and become it, well lucky for them. But if you ask most 30-40 year olds, they had to dabble around, before they picked something. 

And to tell you the truth, you never really “start over”. I didn’t move here with a blank slate. But I think what you’re trying to get at, is the fear of being alone or the uncomfortable feeling of the unfamiliar. I admit I was pretty lonely back then, and I know you know the feeling from when you moved as well. It sucks to not be able to have a friend hang out with you during the weekends, or to just have someone you feel like you connect with. But people are more open than you think. All it takes is for me to reach out and I know I could meet some cool people.

I don’t know what you’re situation is and I don’t need to. What I do know is that you know what decision will yield the most growth. Take the route that that will make you say in five years, “I worked damn hard to get where I am, in a place I never even thought I’d be in.”  

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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about thought processes and how it’s so easy to stay in one kind of mode. I used to take pride in making decisions based on feeling. I was insanely emotional and at the time I was reading books that further reinforced this way of thinking. Whatever I felt, I didn’t hold back. I’d lash out when angry, I’d over think myself into further depths of depression and I’d run around wild when I was happy because emotions were something to let loose, or so I thought. The negative side to it was that everyday was an emotional roller coaster, and you brought along everyone close to you for the ride. It was such an erratic way to live. To be ruled by emotion was feeling a certain way until the next one came along. Emotions then, are chains. And maybe we will never truly be free. You just have to pick the right chains to live by. That may sound negative but fundamentally chains will keep you grounded. 


Some people say “I just felt like it.” Which is a lazy way of explaining why. Feeling is important, but people give it more credit than deserved. Feeling without examining why is like placing a shroud over evidence. 

For example there’s a girl I started talking to and I recently decided that I wasn’t into it. I could of easily said, “She’s really nice, and does a lot for me, I don’t know why I don’t want to be more than what we are right now.” In reality I do know why. I was focusing more on her unique features and placing them highly on the list while over looking the ordinary things. (Off topic but I think we have a list of  unique expectations for a potential significant other to fulfill like, has to be able to play guitar and sing, likes to read classic literature, can cook 5 star dishes, knows how to assemble an airplane, etc. when it’s the things in common that make it easier to build a relationship. Weird metaphor, but being opposites is like Person A saying “I have a paintbrush” and Person B says “I have pizza, what can we make?” Though a paintbrush on top of a pizza might appeal to some, or even using tomato sauce and  Costco pizza oil for color, Person A is better off with a person who can provide a paint palette of colors and Person B with crushed pepper or cheddar cheese.) No matter how complicated something may be, with time, you can begin to understand the feeling and break it down as simple as {input]-function-{output}. 

Sober Game

So last month up until the last few days I only drank once. And it was for only about an hour (I downed 2 Four Lokos with a friend on our way to the club). We were out for 2.5 hours and called it a night. I had fun and I didn’t crave more turn up hours like I usually do. I told myself after new years I’d limit stimulants to the very minimum, if not any at all. And it’s not because I have an addiction, I really feel like I can go out, and have fun (if not more) sober as hell. Lately I’ve been on this path of self reliance, and not only does it include getting my shit together, but not having the need to rely on external factors to be in a certain state. For example, I don’t need to rely on 6 shots of whiskey before I feel like I’m ready to venture the night, Molly to turn up at raves, or even music to go hard in the gym. “I’m not drunk enough to talk to her”, “I left my headphones at home”, “I need a hair cut before I go out” All these examples inhibit a person from taking action and are thus slaves to stimulants. I can tell you first hand, with the right mind set, and experience, there is virtually nothing you can’t do without them. I’ve been out without a haircut, looking like one of my old uncles, and still got with girls. I’ve been to the gym without a preworkout and still went hard in the paint, I actually think all the gym supplements I used to take are now just placebos. I remember a friend of mine asked me to jog with him to Mt. Tabor which was a 2 hr jog to and from. I was literally tired enough to take a nap but did it anyway and felt so alive once I got going. And what about the shit you can’t change. Like you skin color (unless you’re Michael Jackson (Rip tho)) Would you let that limit how big you dream? Or what about facial features? You’re going to have the same ugly complex forever, are you only going to game 3s and 4s? A lot of guys complain about height. Let me tell you this, more than 50% of the random girls I approach and make out with are taller than me. Remember the girl I told you about in math class? The night I took her v card, she gave me a hug and I was surprised how much taller she was without my Timbs on. When I went back up to Seattle, I wore the same damn outfit 3 nights in a row. 3 NIGHTS IN A ROW! I don’t have fresh Jay’s, I went out with a puffy eye due to an allergic reaction, yesterday I had more followers, I was more buff 6 months ago, yet I am still happy. You don’t need external stimulants to reach a positive mind state. You are not limited by external features you cannot change. What fucks people up the most is the way they view themselves. The limits and beliefs they place are what makes them say “I can’t”. Remember, that you are enough, and you always were. 

January 29, 2014

Dear Joseph,

"There is no other option", "I’d rather die", "never settle for less". These are things you tell yourself when you take on a goal. Words you’ve told yourself for years. But how much of an impact has it had on your life? Words, resolutions, hoping and praying have a miniscule effect to achieving your goals. These words lose their power every time you say them in your head from day to day. There will be a point when you just do whatever it is you need to do. It becomes a routine. And in that routine is where you will find success. Success is the quiet, small habits you’ve built up. It is the habitual actions and the focused energy that makes up the majority of it. Look around you. Not many people hustle and push themselves (mentally and physically) to exhaustion. They do the minimum requirement to pass. The minimum requirement to just maintain their current state. You apply this and you’ll see how easy it is to rise to the top just because most people don’t.   

Sincerely, 
You

January 26, 2014

Dear Joseph,

Just as it is important to cut negative people out of your life, make sure you keep the good ones. Being friends with someone isn’t like how it was when you were younger. You’d fight with someone and the next hour you two are laughing again. Or say in high school you go a couple days without seeing your best friend and when you do, nothing has changed. You are at an age where change is relative to friendship. Back when you were a teenager, change wasn’t as life changing as the changes one can make now. You can decide for yourself your own values, morals, and beliefs. You are able to venture away from everything you knew, to try something different. You can dedicate yourself to a goal or a purpose and things from the past won’t always keep up to date with you. We still think along the lines of “once we’re friends, we’re friends forever” as if all you needed to do was hit the start button and it would take care of itself. A bond of friendship requires maintenance. It’s like having a relationship, you know once you stop doing all those nice things for her, sooner or later she’s going to start complaining. The “friends” that don’t need this sort of upkeep aren’t friends, those are the people you call acquaintances. Living away from home has taught you people come and go, even those that you considered friends can easily slip away. Recognize when someone is actually putting an effort into establishing a friendship with you. I think you’ve learned how to cut things off, now learn how to hold on to things. 

Sincerely,
You 

January 25, 2014

Dear Joseph,

Cut the BS out of your life. Anything and anyone that contributes to your life in a negative way- cut them out! If you can’t help that person, accept that there’s nothing you can do, and go separate ways. You know when you’re in a horrible relationship and it seems as if you two are just waiting for something big to happen to be an excuse to end it? That’s exactly what it’s like with other people, things, and habits. The problem is that you’re aware that something isn’t good for you, yet you prolong that agony because you’re too scared to confront it. You don’t need to wait for anything big to happen, the worst kind of torture is slow and continuos pain. Write down a set of morals and values and stick to that code. There is no gray area. It either goes with or against what you believe in. That’s how you build character, that’s how you become sturdy. 

For entertainment purposes I’ll make a list of shit you need to cut out:

1. the girl that nudges you every time you start to snore. You’re sleep is vital for your growth and infinite times more valuable than her. If she can’t accept that you need it because you study all night, wake up early to do some more, and physically drain yourself from going to the gym, this girl probably doesn’t have much going for her. A person on their path will recognize when someone else is committed to theirs and will understand to not get in the way. (also, she aint even that cute) 

2. the stripper friend. you do too much for her. and she probably expects that from everyone. you’re there for her and the most she’s provided for you is (well let’s keep some things private)

3. social media. what’s it for again? oh yeah to bang girls you’ve never met. the best ones are the girls you meet through the things already involved in your life. Fit chicks mmmm. Biology nerds, oh yes. Shannon from instagram, pudgy butt, ewww. 

4. Too much gymlife not enough academiclife. Don’t be so one dimensional. Own other aspects in your life. 

Sincerely,
You